The Passing of My Father

I am charged with delivering a short eulogy at Dad's Memorial Reception. I'm on board an early-morning flight to Ottawa, with just under four hours flight time to consider my Father's passing. How do I sum up my Father's lifetime in a few short words ?

The Eulogy

The Family Man

I have many fond memories of my Father - he was most importantly a family man. Despite being an accomplished educator and scientist, he never failed to make family time a priority. He was a devoted husband, and father of we three, Robin, David and myself, Mark.

Wherever Dad would go, we could guarantee at least one of the kids was with him. I remember going to the lab at McGill University, and Dad making a point of passing through the animal areas, so we could visit the albino bunnies and the mice. Little did I know...

He also loved sports and would often take us to the Forum in Montréal to watch Guy LaFleur and the Canadiens, or to Jarry Park to see an Expos double-header ! We all saw the late, great Gary Carter behind the plate !

Dad wanted to make sure that each one of us kids grew up to be capable and strong. He wanted us to learn how to be self-reliant, and independent: teaching us all how to use power tools, to fish, and to read and think for ourselves. We all have fond memories Dad reading to us almost every single night at bed-time !

The Arts

Dad instilled that love of reading in all of us, and he had a wide variety of tastes. If he wasn't reading Nature or Cell (his industry rags, as he called them !), he could often be caught reading the latest Ruth Rendell mystery novel, or the exploits of Rumpole of the Bailey. Dad could happily wile away an afternoon doing the NY Times Sunday Crossword - in pen !

Our father had a great love of music. He would often sit reading in his favorite chair in the living room, his feet up on a battered leather footstool that he loved so, reading & listening to music. His major love was jazz, and we grew up listening to Louis Armstrong, Dizzie Gillespie, and Sam Cooke. Dad loved the chanteuses, Lena Horne's "Stormy Weather" being amongst his favorites. And of course he had a quirky side - a jazz violinist named Stephan Grapelli would often be heard as well.

That love of music was passed down to us children. Robin and David became accomplished musicians in their own right, David on guitar, and Robin on... Well, just about anything. Dad was especially proud of her talents on the French horn. Me, I pounded out the notes to the theme song for the Muppet Show on a saxophone until Dad suggested it was high time I read some more ! But, like Dad, I love to listen to Jazz and the Blues greats.


As children, our parents wanted us to be as well-rounded as possible. We were fortunate to participate in an Art School, that was offered by McGill to its staff & their family members. Robin & David both recall being taught to paint by A. Y. Jackson ! Dad kept every one of our artistic expressions, and I was delighted when Dad started sending me snippets & treasures over the years.

We children each took different paths, and Dad did everything he could to encourage us: Robin followed in Dad's footsteps to become an educator; Dad helped David launch his own small business; and I into my career in Information Technology. He always encouraged us to be the best we could be, no matter what we chose to do !

Politics

Dad was a keen supporter of the democratic process. He and my mother instilled in us children that it is a right and a privilege to vote, and that we had a responsibility to exercise that right at every single opportunity. I can recall my parents attending political rallies, including the great Party Conventions. We had a stuffed elephant in our living room, decorated with campaign pins bearing the names Turner, Clark, Mulroney, Chrétien, and Trudeau.

Travel

Dad was often asked to be a guest lecturer at symposia around the world. He travelled throughout Canada and the US, and was thrilled when he was invited to speak in China in the 1980s. His work took him to Southeast Asia and Europe frequently, although Robin was most jealous of his trips to sunnier climes like Florida and California !

I had the extreme good fortune to join Dad on a trip to Australia, which quickly morphed into a trip around the globe that spanned some two months ! We dutifully sent photos and souvenirs home along the way, although Mom was somewhat miffed that we neglected to throw in a brief note explaining what treasures she was receiving ! Dad and I became quite close on that trip, and it was on a bus-tour of the Australian outback that he forever became "Phreddie". It was a pet name that stuck for the rest of his life.

Family vacations allowed Mom & Dad to explore North America, often taking long car trips to Nova Scotia, PEI, and to a rented cottage in Vermont. We children have many happy memories summering by the beach at the ocean, or by a lake in a cottage in New Hampshire or Peterborough. We would fish and swim and canoe, often taking Dad's big red station wagon on sight-seeing jaunts down back-country roads.

Family History

Dad also wanted to keep his family history alive. Being an only child who emigrated to Canada in 1950, I think Dad felt very distant from his parents. We are fortunate that Dad took an interest in genealogy, and passed down copies of birth, death and marriage certificates from England, many dating back to the early 1800's ! As you see in some of the pictures we chose for today's Reception, my father enjoyed his family life in England as well.

The Friend

Dad had a wit and a charm that made everybody want to be around him. My parents were fond of hosting dinner parties at the house. Whether it was the twice-annual dinner party for his lab, or inviting close family friends for a BBQ, my parents loved to entertain. There are plenty of family stories about Mom making salad in a big green garbage bag (it was the only vessel large enough !), or of our beloved cat Ralphie making off with the joint of lamb and Dad being forced to order pizza !

It seemed there was always a huge cast of friends around, everyone pitching in & helping eachother. They say it takes a Community to raise children - and my parents exemplified that statement ! Growing up in Montreal & Kingston, it always seemed that my parents were surrounded by friends and loved ones.

Career

My father earned many accolades over the course of his career. He retired after being the Head of the Department of Biochemistry at Queen's University for more than twenty years. Having been awarded Professor Emeritus status, Dad hung around Queen's for years, often lunching with his cronies - the Grumblers. He was most proud when he was designated as a member of the Royal Society of Canada, while Robin was thrilled at being mentioned in Canada's "Who's Who" !

I have often explained to people about some of Dad's research. I was proud of his contributions to the "Gene Machine", while Dad used to love to tell my children about how some of his research contributed to the creation of soft-serve ice cream. Personally, I thought his research into why frogs don't get infections, despite being injured and living an places teeming with bacteria, was fascinating ! The implications towards helping to find cures for infectious diseases, possibly including HIV or even cancer is awe-inspiring !

Retirement

In his retirement, Dad was a devoted husband, looking after Mom himself after she fell and broke her hip. Dad would walk up the hill from their beautiful home on Ken Woods Circle to Bennet's to do the shopping, and go to the post-office or drug store. Dad could always be counted on to bring home a small parcel of treats - he was remarkably fond of Ferrero-Rocher chocolates ! After his passing, we found many caches of chocolates and nuts spread throughout his room.

Illness

My father battled his illness over the years with quiet dignity. It started with his stroke, which occurred late at night one fateful Christmas Day. I still recall wondering why there was an ambulance at the house... The stoke triggered his Parkinson's disease, which relentlessly stole Dad's strength. Despite still having all of his mental faculties, he suffered from a loss of control over his body. Until finally, in February, Dad ended the fight.

Gratitude

On behalf of my Mother, Madge, my sister, Robin, and my brother, David, I'd like to offer our gratitude for coming today. Many of you have traveled far to mark Dad's passing, and we appreciate your continued love & support.

Today we bid a loving farewell to Dr John Hedley Spencer. A caring son, loving husband, devoted father and loyal friend. While we will all miss him, there is a sense of peace that we associate with the end of his suffering. If you please, and the moment moves you, raise a glass and join us in celebrating the life of my father.